Lucy in the Sky

hold out a glimmer of hope that he might call me.
    I have to go through Immigration and I can delay it no longer. I’ve been scouring the airport, in case Nathan turns up at the last minute, but it seems he really has gone to the beach party with his friends. And with Amy. I stand on the concourse, looking back towards the airport terminal entrance, and then step into the Immigration queue. Finally I’m at the front and I hand over my passport. Then I’m through. I glance back one last time and don’t see him. He hasn’t turned up to try andstop me from leaving. That really does only happen in the movies.
    Half an hour later, when I’m stepping onto the plane and finding my seat next to a ginger-haired businessman, I take my phone out of my bag and look at it. Just as before, it’s switched on and functional. Battery still fine. No text messages. No missed calls. I press down on the little red button and the light on my phone dims, just as the light does in my heart.
    Sydney to London
    Sunday: Depart Sydney at 1655
    Monday: Arrive London Heathrow at 0525
    Duration: 23 hrs 30 mins
    The flight isn’t even half full, so the ginger guy next to me turns and says with a heavy German accent that he’ll make the most of the empty row of seats across the aisle. Wishing me a good flight, he picks up his belongings. I look out of the window at the sunny Sydney afternoon; Nathan will be enjoying his party. And Amy will be enjoying having Nathan to herself.
    The tiny TV screen in front of me is playing a cheesy film about Australia. I watch as green wineries appear on screen, followed by images of wild horses running through a field. Tall mountains and waterfalls give way to clear blue oceans and white beaches. Then I see a surfer, crouching and slicing through the water, up and under the curl of the wave before he finally stands fully upright on his board and slowly sinks back down, into the ocean. Just like Nathan did, the first time I saw him surf. Oh, God.
    Will he ever tell Amy he’s not interested? Is he interested? Sam and Molly might convince him he is. They could get married and have children. My heart feels like it could collapse at the thought. And I’m going back to James. I don’t want to see him. My mind is too consumed with Nathan and I don’t want to give up any of that head-space to James. I’m not ready to let go of Nathan yet.
    I pull out the cassette tape that he made me and look down at his scratchy handwriting. Rolling Stones’ ‘Gimme Shelter’, Radiohead’s ‘Talk Show Host’…I hold the tape tight to my chest. I’ll have to buy a cassette player in Singapore so I can listen to it. I wonder if they even make them any more. James will think I’ve gone mad. He’s a technology junkie.
    The plane zooms down the runway, forcing me back into my seat and then we’re off the ground and climbing. I look below at the sunlit streets and spot the city’s tall towers. The Opera House and the Harbour Bridge look tiny. I see the greenness of the Botanic Gardens and close my eyes, remembering for a moment how Nathan almost kissed me. He did almost kiss me. I imagine him taking my face in his hands and roughly bruising my lips with his. I feel light-headed, then weighed down with sadness.
    He’s gone. It’s over. What could have been never was and I’m going home.
    In a parallel universe Nathan is sitting on his bed and playing his guitar, lazily looking over at me. I reach across and touch his leg and he puts his guitar on the floor and draws me to him, onto his lap. He’s undressing me, pulling my damp T-shirt over my head and unclasping my bikini top. I lean back as he lifts his own faded brown T-shirt over his head and pulls my naked upper half back to him, pressing my body into his. He’s kissing me. Kissing my lips, kissing my jaw, kissing my neck. He takes me in his armsand manoeuvres me so I’m underneath him. He hovers above me, hand on my thigh, sliding up my skirt, blue-grey eyes looking intently into mine.
    I love him. I love him.
    I could leave James, go back. But I don’t even know how Nathan feels. Does he feel anything for me? Have I got it completely wrong? I dismiss those doubts and go back to my daydream. And it’s these images that carry me through the next twenty-four hours until, finally, I’m home again.

London

Chapter 10
    It’s a clear, dark night as we fly towards Heathrow. Below me little towns group together in the darkness, their lights resembling clusters