Ms. Beard Is Weird!

you’ll never believe who came running into the door at that moment.
    Nobody! Why would you want to run into a door? That would hurt. But you’ll never believe who came running into the doorway .
    It was Ms. Beard, and a camera crew!
    â€œGranite, baby!” she said, throwing her arm around Mr. Granite’s shoulder. “I felt bad about what happened when we filmed you in class. I wanted to give you another chance to be a star.”
    â€œUh . . . okay,” said Mr. Granite.
    All the lights and cameras were set up, and Ms. Beard yelled, “ACTION!”
    â€œToday we’re going to talk about fractions,” Mr. Granite told us. “A fraction is a number that expresses part of a group. The number above the line is called the numerator. The number below the line is called the—”
    â€œCut!” Ms. Beard yelled. “Granite, baby, you’re putting everybody to sleep with that fraction mumbo jumbo. Try it again, and this time put a little pizzazz into it, will ya?”
    â€œUh . . . okay. I’ll try.”
    â€œACTION!”
    â€œIf two fractions have the same denominator,” said Mr. Granite, “their sum is the sum of the numerators over the denomina—”
    â€œCut!” hollered Ms. Beard. “Bring in the stunt teacher!”
    â€œWhat?” shouted Mr. Granite. “Stunt teacher?”
    â€œI’m sorry, Granite, baby, but this just isn’t working out,” said Ms. Beard. “I gotta bring in somebody who can grab viewers by the eyeballs.”
    â€œYou can’t do that!” protested Mr. Granite. “I spent years learning how to teach math.”
    â€œChill, baby. It’s temporary,” said Ms. Beard. “Where’s my stunt teacher? Where’s Mr. Brown?”
    Suddenly, a guy came walking into the class—on his hands. He did a somersault and a cartwheel and jumped up onto Mr. Granite’s desk. He had a big red nose and orange hair sticking out on both sides.
    â€œHi, boys and girls!” he said in a funny voice, honking his nose.
    â€œMr. Brown is a clown!” I shouted.
    â€œYou can call me Brownie the Clownie!”

    Mr. Granite stood there staring with his mouth open. Brownie skipped out of the room and came back with a plate full of pies.
    â€œFractions are fun, kids!” he said. “If I cut this banana cream pie into eight slices and I eat one of them, how much of the pie did I eat?”
    â€œOne-eighth!” yelled Alexia, who is really good in math.
    â€œRight!” said Brownie. “And if I were to take two slices of the pie and throw them at your teacher, how much of the pie would I throw?”
    â€œOne-fourth!” shouted Alexia. “Two-eighths is the same as one-fourth.”
    â€œRight!” shouted Brownie. Then he picked up two pieces of pie and threw them at Mr. Granite. They hit him right in the head. Banana cream was dribbling down his face.
    Mr. Granite looked like he was going to explode . I had never seen him so mad.
    â€œWhat if I took a whole pie,” Mr. Granite shouted, “and shoved it in your clownie face?”
    Mr. Granite picked up one of the pies and pushed it into Brownie’s face. It was cool!
    Then Brownie picked up another pie and threw it at Mr. Granite. But he ducked, and the pie hit Emily in the face instead. She was on the floor, freaking out. Then she went running out of the room. What a crybaby.
    â€œFood fight!” we all hollered.

    Mr. Granite and Brownie the Clown were furiously grabbing hunks of pie and throwing them at each other! Gobs of banana cream were flying all over the classroom!
    When they ran out of pies to throw, Brownie the Clown and Mr. Granite started wrestling on the floor. It was a real Kodak moment.
    Andrea pulled Ms. Beard off to the side.
    â€œI really don’t think this is going to help anybody learn about fractions,” Andrea told her.
    â€œWho cares?” replied Ms. Beard. “It makes great TV! The ratings will go through the roof!”

8
Free for All
    When we got to school the next day, everybody was told to go around to the playground. And you’ll never believe in a million hundred years what was back there.
    A giant swimming pool! And it was filled with mud!
    â€œWelcome to The Real Teachers of Ella Mentry School !” Ms. Beard said into the camera. “We know the teachers here are great singers and dancers. Today we’re