Your Children Are Listening: Nine Messages They Need to Hear from You

messages about the importance of exercise by being active and fit yourself and getting your children off the sofa and outside where they can be physically active. You can also sign your kids up for sports and exercise activities.
    Research has also shown that children today are not getting enough sleep to function at their best. The blame for this persistent state of fatigue is placed on the consumption of caffeinated or energy drinks, even among young children (25 percent of children over three years of age average more than one caffeinated beverage a day), and the presence of televisions in children’s bedrooms (40percent of children have one). You can communicate a message about the importance of sleep by limiting (or prohibiting!) your children’s consumption of beverages with stimulants, and by not allowing TVs in their bedrooms. You can also be sure they get to bed at a reasonable hour.
    Perhaps the most dangerous expression of physical disrespect in our culture is the prevalence and promotion of drug use and sexuality, even among children. The sad truth is that your children are entering a world in which they will be bombarded by messages about both that are truly destructive. The only chance your children have is if you inundate them early and often through multiple conduits with messages that bolster their self-respect. These healthy messages will provide them with honest and accurate information to help them make good decisions and support them in withstanding harmful messages.
    Your children’s attitude and approach to their achievement activities is the second area in which you can help instill self-respect in them. The message of achievement is important within the context of self-respect because positive achievement experiences can have a dramatic impact on your children’s sense of competence and self-esteem. If they value their achievement efforts, they will want to devote the necessary commitment and time to perform their best and experience pride in their efforts. How well your children buy into this message may also dictate how successful they are in their academic, athletic, and artistic pursuits because research shows that the greatest predictor of success is the number of hours people put in. Children who derive self-respect from their achievement activities will be motivated to give their best effort.
    You can send your children messages about self-respect in their achievement activities by working hard for and taking pride in your own successes. You can also convey positive messages of hard work by showing your children examples of people who have become successful and how they reached their goals. You can reward your children’s efforts with appropriate praise, thereby helping themmake the connection between those efforts and their successes. Following those successes, you can highlight the wonderful emotions they experience, including satisfaction, pride, and inspiration.
    The third area in which self-respect has an influence is children’s conduct toward others. Children with self-respect will feel confident and secure in their own personhood, and as a result, will express their attitude about respect to others through kindness, consideration, and compassion. They truly get the message of “doing unto others.” Your children will learn about being respectful of others through your messages of respect as I described earlier in this chapter.
    In contrast, children who don’t have self-respect will probably be unhappy, frustrated, and angry, and as a result, will convey those unpleasant feelings through disrespectful behavior toward others. The issue of children being disrespectful of others has gained prominence in recent years, as the frequency and intensity of bullying among children (even as early as kindergarten) has been on the rise with some tragic results. Analyses of these events generally boil down to two primary causes: Parents who don’t set limits or don’t hold their children accountable for their behavior, and a culture of wanton disregard in which those who are disrespectful (e.g., the “mean girls”) are deemed worthy of admiration.
    Cyberbullying has been receiving increased attention in the media and from researchers. In the last few years, there have been several high-profile cases of cyberbullying that led to teen suicide. Research exploring the impact of cyberbullying on young people has found that victims of cyberbullying report higher rates of depression